Ballroom Remixed Album

Club versions of songs from the album
that (Entertainment Weekly)
calls “unabashedly offbeat”



The first “Ballroom Remixed” album (below), featuring original songs performed by such artists as Linda Teodosiu, Simon Curtis, Romy Low, Gravitonas and Lee Latchford Evans (of Steps), was called “a whirling dervish of musical genius” (by England’s My Fizzy Pop), “hot and well thought out” (by Canada’s BillCS Is Tuned-On), “a lotta fun” (by, “absolutely awesome” (by Australia’s Fabtastic! Music), “a joy to listen to” (by American blogger Kyle Ankney) and “hideous” (by ballroomdj on iTunes). Hey, you can’t win ’em all!


In creating the original “Ballroom Remixed” album, I challenged my producer cohorts, Ricardo Autobahn and Richard Hymas, to merge their pop sensibilities with my dance requirements. Sometimes I’m sure I tested their patience, too! But I’ll be damned if they didn’t rise to the challenge and exceed my every hope, never mind my expectations!

So, in return, I wanted to give them free rein for a change and invite them to go all clubby and radio on some of the songs. The result is “Less Ballroom, More Remixed,” featuring five (truly) remixed versions of numbers performed by Elouise, Kyle Brylin, Jenny McLaren (of Spray), Jerry Reid, and Tammy Jay and Kally (of Electrovamp). Just for good measure, we also threw in Ric’s own “Theme From Ballroom Remixed.”

While some of the revamps are about as far from ballroom as a helicopter is from a bicycle, I suspect (hope! pray!) they’ll still get you moving, even if only in your car on your way to school or on the dance floor on a Friday night. If they don’t, my advice to you is… turn it up! ;)

Lady Cha-Cha


I’M THE ONE (Ricardo Autobahn Remix Edit)
Tammy Jay and Kally (of Electrovamp)

I’M A MAN (NOT A PIECE OF MEAT) (Ricardo Autobahn Remix Edit) Kyle Brylin

YOU WERE NEVER REALLY MINE * (Ricardo Autobahn Remix Edit) Jenny McLaren (of Spray)

OUT WITHOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND (Ricardo Autobahn Remix Edit) Jerry Reid (feat. Ben Waters)

THE LOVERS’ RUMBA (Ricardo Autobahn Remix Edit) Elouise


All songs produced by:
Ricardo Autobahn and Richard Hymas
Except ** produced by Autobahn

All remixes by:
Ricardo Autobahn (duh!)
All songs written by:
Ricardo Autobahn/Richard Hymas/Charlie Mason
Except * written by:
Autobahn/Hymas/Mason/Liam Curry

and ** written by:

Mastered by:
Brian Hazard/Resonance Mastering

Autobahn published by:
23rd Precinct Music

Melanie's photo by:
Daniel Kevin Melton

info [at] ballroomremixed [dot] com




  Melanie LaPatin Melanie LaPatin (aka Lady Cha-Cha) is a world champion Latin ballroom dancer, frequent “So You Think You Can Dance” choreographer, occasional Entertainment Weekly blogger and all-around sweetheart. Just ask her cats. About the “sweetheart” part, we mean; they really don’t care so much about the rest.  

  Ricardo Autobahn Ricardo Autobahn (aka John Matthews) is a genius of a songwriter/producer, to the point that he can get away with using words like “ameliorate” in his work. The Brit is also a born team player who has been and/or is a member of such outfits as Spray, the Cuban Boys, Rikki & Daz, the Attery Squash and, by the time you are finished reading this list, your book club.  
  Richard Hymas Richard Hymas is so nice a chap that, even when his estimable talents turn fellow songwriter/producers green with envy, they never actually throttle him the way they say they’re going to. The Ben Waters Band guitarist’s latest non-ballroom-related release is “Scarecrow,” a hidden track on the debut album by Sweden’s Ulrik Munther.  
  Richard Hymas Liam Curry is a Welsh graphic artist, lyricist and bon vivant. Not necessarily in that order. His designs have caught eyes for the likes of Queen of Hearts, his words have been sung by the likes of Simon Curtis, and his… um… Okay, fine. We have no idea what to say about his bon vivantry. Except that it is very bon, indeed.  
  Charlie Mason Charlie Mason is an American lyricist with two left feet, a “slight” alpaca fixation and an inexplicable interest in scary movies set in castles.  



Ricardo Autobahn the Artist’s bio reads an awful lot like Ricardo Autobahn the Creator’s bio (above). Coincidence?

  Kyle Brylin is an “electropop Boy Wonder,” according to (Entertainment Weekly). And we would never argue with EW. When his “Ballroom Remixed” number, “I’m a Man (Not a Piece of Meat),” was first released, My Fizzy Pop called it “winningly camp.” We didn’t argue with My Fizzy Pop, either. (Turns out we are extremely agreeable.) The 22-year-old’s EPs all are over iTunes; his videos, all over YouTube. Enjoy.  
  Elouise is the latter-day Dusty Springfield whose dazzling output once inspired England’s to remark, “It’s rare for music this studied to also sound so effortless.” After hearing a sneak preview of the club version of her “Ballroom Remixed” ballad, “The Lovers’ Rumba,” Canadian blog BillCS Is Tuned-On suggested that it would “[keep] your booty plenty happy.” And who doesn’t want a happy booty? The songstress is currently the toast of London, by virtue of her one-woman show, “Little Belter.”  

Jenny McLaren has, as the vocal half of British synth-pop duo Spray (brother Ricardo Autobahn is her “silent” partner), given emo kids an anthem for the ages (“I Am Gothic”), produced one of the few Christmas songs ever that doesn’t induce nausea (“He Came With the Sleigh”) and sung what — let’s be honest — we all know is true (“Everything’s Better With Muppets”).


Jerry Reid has, since the release of “Ballroom Remixed,” continued down (up?) the path to superstardom by juggling concert dates, modeling gigs and acting jobs while working on his debut album with such whiz kids as Daniel Volpe and Thomas Lipp (Crush Songs/Germany), and Stefan Almqvist (STE*AL Music/Sweden). And yes, as British blog My Fizzy Pop hoped he would, he “still has amazing hair.” Whew.


Tammy Jay and Kally (aka Electrovamp) have an album’s worth of hits ready to roll. Yet, being the incorrigible teases that they are, they have yet to release it. “I’m going gaga for it already!” wrote Until the collection is at last made available, we’ll just have to content ourselves with this new take on their “Ballroom Remixed” song, “I’m the One.” And their shiny new website.



NinthWave Records is the renegade American indie label run, walked and altogether flown by Dave Richards, a cat who is so cool, he even has his own secret identity: remixer(s) Cotton & Gin. Wait, was that supposed to stay a secret?


Special thanks to (in alphabetical order, like a 1980s primetime soap opera cast list!): Kyle Ankney, Kristen Baldwin, Karl Batterbee, Jio Canlas, Larry Flick, Esther Frances, Daniel Malen, Alan Mercer, Tony Meredith, Aaron Moss, Paul Reynolds, Katie Sisco, Bill Smith, Jamie Sward, Russ Weatherford and Rachel Zar.



Ballroom Remixed Album

A collection of 22 songs intended for or inspired by
the dance world performed by some of the hottest
movers and shakers on the planet



Even before its release, England's My Fizzy Pop blog
called the album “a whirling dervish of musical genius.” called it, or at least its inclusion of two Scandipop superstars, “wonderful.”

Canadian blog BillCS Is Tuned-On considered the very idea “well, mahvelous!!”
with not one but two exclamation points (so we know he meant it).

My Fizzy Pop came back later to predict that Kyle Brylin’s rendition of “I’m a Man (Not a Piece of Meat)” was destined to “become an instant classic.”

Music Is My King Size Bed delighted in the album’s “bevy of talented artists from all over the world.”

Later still, My Fizzy Pop expressed its admiration for “Melanie (Doncha Make Her Dance Alone)” singer Joshua Desjardins’ “range of bowties” and “Out Without Your Boyfriend” vocalist Jerry Reid’s “amazing pop star hair.”

Australia’s Fabtastic! Music declared the compilation “absolutely awesome,” adding, “I cannot wait to get my hands on this one.” (Gee, I really hope we sent him one by now, then.)

The TV Addict entertainment blog said the songs were “a lotta fun.”

My Fizzy Pop came back yet again to praise Simon Curtis’ rendition of “The Puppet That Gave Himself Strings” as “reminiscent of the more laid-back tunes by Erasure or Pet Shop Boys.” (Beginning to get the impression that My Fizzy Pop likes the album.)

During an almost hourlong segment of Sirius XM’s “Morning Jolt” dedicated to the album, Larry Flick noted that Gravitonas’ “Fun & Games” was “a little more gentle” than their usual fare. “I like this song a lot,” he added. (Whew!)

After reviewing the album, BillCS Is Tuned-On decided that it was “one hot and well thought out project” that’s “many songs strong.” suggested that the collection was “one of the coolest mixes for those who love the Latin flavor.” (As opposed to the salt flavor, which proved too difficult for us to produce an album around.)

Not 100 percent sure what Portuguese music blog It Pop’s review of Kyle Brylin’s “I’m a Man (Not a Piece of Meat)” says. Where’s an interpreter when you need one?

When Melanie LaPatin blogged for Entertainment Weekly, the magazine’s website gave a lovely shout-out to her “wacky” album project. Later, they delighted in the fact that it’s “unabashedly offbeat.”

Stateside blogger-next-door Kyle Ankney wrote that “the entire album is a joy to listen to,” adding that “songs span from light and poppy to rather dark and morose.” Wait… morose? Us?!

A later review of “Ballroom Remixed” by Australia’s Fabtastic! Music blog called it “an eclectic and exciting collection,” singling out Lee Latchford Evans’ “gorgeous vocal” on “When You Smile” and the potential irony of Kyle Brylin singing “I’m a Man (Not a Piece of Meat).”

Canada’s BillCS Is Tuned-On continued to show the love by placing song after song from “Ballroom Remixed” in the Top 30. Jerry Reid made it all the way to No. 3 with “Out Without Your Boyfriend”! suggested that its fans check out the album, suggesting that it’s, and we quote, “Pretty cool, huh?”

Filipino music blog said that Simon Curtis’ “Ballroom Remixed” number, “The Puppet Who Gave Himself Strings,” “reminded me of why I really loved him in the first place.”


Jerry Reid (feat. Ben Waters)



I’M THE ONE ** Tammy Jay and Kally (of Electrovamp)


YOU WERE NEVER REALLY MINE * Jenny McLaren (of Spray)

I’M A MAN (NOT A PIECE OF MEAT) ** Kyle Brylin

BODY HEAT Linda Teodosiu

WHEN YOU SMILE ** Lee Latchford Evans (feat. Kerry-Lucy Taylor)


FUN & GAMES Gravitonas

DOG Romy Low


IT’S ALL ABOUT THE BEAT ** Rev. Diva Schematic (of the Attery Squash)


GLAMAHOLIC Kaya (feat. Nelson Clemente)





Joshua Desjardins (feat. Ben Waters and Melanie LaPatin)

NEXT TO ME Nathalie Archangel

Executive producer:
Melanie LaPatin

All songs produced by:
Ricardo Autobahn and Richard Hymas
All songs written by:
Ricardo Autobahn/Richard Hymas/Charlie Mason
Except * written by:
Autobahn/Hymas/Mason/Liam Curry

Mastered by:
Brian Hazard/Resonance Mastering

Mixed, and all synths and programming, by:
Ricardo Autobahn
Except ** synths and programming by:
Autobahn/Richard Hymas

Autobahn published by:
23rd Precinct Music

info [at] ballroomremixed [dot] com




  Melanie LaPatin Melanie LaPatin is a world champion Latin ballroom dancer who, in addition to regularly choreographing numbers for “So You Think You Can Dance” in the US and Canada, has taught fancy footwork to celebrities ranging from Pierce Brosnan to Barbara Walters, from Vanessa Williams to Rob Schneider. In other words, if it can be done in heels, she’s done it. Oh, and though Vogue magazine calls her Dance Times Square studio “the most fashionable place in New York to learn to dance,” her quirky personal style once made her the subject of an episode of TLC’s “What Not to Wear.” (Oopsie.) Next up for the busy bee is a Broadway musical and potentially her own reality series.  

  Ricardo Autobahn Ricardo Autobahn (aka John Matthews) is quite possibly the songwriter/producer with the strangest career on record. Besides being a part of such acts as Spray and the Cuban Boys, the Englishman has competed in the Eurovision Song Contest and helped create hits like “The Hampster Dance Song” and “Devo Was Right About Everything.” Think it can’t get weirder? He also put Glen Campbell back in the Top 20 with a remake of “Rhinestone Cowboy.” Beat that.  
  Richard Hymas Richard Hymas is a British songwriter/producer who insists that he has no credits of note but, in fact, works with Ben Waters and has previously recorded with three — count ’em, three! — of the Rolling Stones. Which is very impressive and all. However, Bo is not going to take himself for a walk, mister. Off you go. (You’re welcome, Clare.)  
  Charlie Mason Charlie Mason is an American lyricist who remains bewildered as to how he could have possibly scored cuts with such A-list artists as Miley Cyrus, Eric Saade and BoA, and not one but two Popjustice Songs of the Day. He doubts that the reason is his deep and abiding appreciation of alpacas. Then again, maybe.  



Nathalie Archangel is the late-’80s It girl whose vault full of gems includes two major label masterpieces and a handful of mini-hits, among them “Mr. Perfect For Me” and “So Quiet, So Still.” How beloved is the singer/songwriter? To this day, her cult of admirers still pleads with her to release more material. For real — we do. Loudly.

  Kyle Brylin is an American electrohottie who’s been praised by music blog for making “straight-up pop with a banging dance beat.” His first “official” release was NinthWave Records’ winter 2011 single, “Committed.” But, of course, that was only the beginning…  
  Kerry Butler is, in the estimation of the New York Times, no less, “the rare Broadway ingenue who is as funny as she is pretty.” When the Tony nominee isn’t bringing the “great” to the Great White Way (in musicals like “Xanadu,” “Hairspray” and, currently, “Catch Me If You Can”), she’s doing movies or TV, working on her cabaret act or promoting her enchanting album of Disney classics.  
  Simon Curtis is “a no-holds-barred male… Lady Gaga,” according to As such, he is immensely popular, so much so, in fact, that his first studio album, last year’s “8Bit Heart,” was downloaded more than 150,000 times in its first two weeks of release. To say that its sequel, “R∆,” has been eagerly anticipated might well be the understatement of the millennium.  
  Joshua Desjardins has, by embracing his inner dork in his one-man show, “Nerds Among Us,” made himself one of New York’s more embraceable up-and-comers. “It’s almost surprising,” writes Cabaret Scenes, “that audience members [don’t] just go up and hug him.” Hug him more often than they do, the reviewer probably means.  
  Elouise is the English songstress whose work with Terry Ronald and Steve Anderson (Kylie Minogue) inspired My Fizzy Pop music blog to christen her “a chanteuse for the ages.” The rest of us, it simply inspired to cheer, awestruck. She’s currently knocking ’em dead in London with her one-woman show, “Little Belter.”  
  Lee Latchford Evans set hearts aflutter and toes a-tapping as one-fifth of the millions-selling late-’90s Britpop act Steps. Since the group’s break-up, the triple threat has gone on to appear on television (even winning “Commando VIP”), on stage (in a West End production of “Grease”) and in movies (like “Cash and Curry”). On top of it all, he’s also started his own fitness webzine.  
  Gravitonas is the dynamic Swedish duo whose first single, “Kites,” spent four months in the Top 10 of their country’s dance chart and whose second single, “Religious,” made all of Russia go, “Oh my God!” Vocalist Andreas Öhrn is also an accomplished songwriter and producer, with a No. 1 under his belt for Japan’s Hey! Say! Jump. As for partner in crime Alexander Bard? C’mon, the dude’s a freakin’ legend!  

Jill Helena is the rare singer whose confidence is matched by her voice rather than her hype. The Dutch sexpot is currently putting the finishing touches on her premier album with such collaborators as DEEKAY (Sugababes) and Elias Kapari (Yamashita Tomohisa).

  jack q

Jack Q is the alias of… well, we can’t say, really, as the air of mystery he’s chosen to maintain is as thick as London fog. But it seems safe to assume that he is no relation to Stacey Q. And he’s pretty good, isn’t he?


Jeronimo is Justin Bieber’s worst nightmare, a teen idol with not only the look but also the talent to offer stiff competition on the charts. And potentially to make Selena Gomez’s heart skip a beat as well. The Dutch Boy Wonder’s debut album hits the streets later this year.


Kaya is a red-blooded all-American girl who just happens to sing, dance and act so well that it’s only a matter of time before she makes the transition from YouTube — where her “Can’t Get You Out of My Mind” video has nearly 2,000,000 views — to the multiplex. The 17-year-old is currently slaving away on her first CD.


Jaime Lovett is an English vocalist who has toured with artists such as Roy Wood and The Commitments, and played with as many bands as any of us have in our entire CD collections. Currently, when she’s not rocking like one of the guys as the frontwoman of Girl Toyz, she’s indulging her sensitive side as a songwriter of uncommon emotional openness.


Romy Low could have coasted on her looks alone — she is, after all, the kind of hot that leaves third-degree burns. But instead, the Spanish siren has chosen to embody the rebellious spirit of her debut single, “Little Miss Flapper,” and usher in a new Golden Age for the femme fatale. For that, we say gracias. Muchas gracias.


Jenny McLaren has, as the vocal half of British synth-pop duo Spray (brother Ricardo Autobahn is her “silent” partner), given emo kids an anthem for the ages (“I Am Gothic”), produced one of the few Christmas songs ever that doesn’t induce nausea (“He Came With the Sleigh”) and sung what — let’s be honest — we all know is true (“Everything’s Better With Muppets”).


Neo is “the Swedish Mika,” writes But, with his hits now being released around the world, it seems entirely possible, even likely, that Mika could soon become known as “the British Neo.” The onetime Eurovision contender’s next album is, as one would hope, in the works.


Craig Powell is the former lead singer of the British dance act Uniting Nations, which cracked the Top 10 with its cover of Hall & Oates’ “Out of Touch.” Since leaving the group, the occasional cage fighter (what?!) has continued his assault on the singles charts as a solo artist, most recently with the unstoppable “Can’t Let You Go.”


Lucas Prata has cranked out nearly enough smashes to keep a dance hall hopping for a week. In addition to his No. 1, “And She Said,” there was “Love Of My Life” and “Never Be Alone” and “DYWM” (a cover of the Human League’s “Don’t You Want Me?”) and “Remember (La Di Da)” and… You get the idea. The native New Yorker’s hit list could fill a phone book.


Jerry Reid is, at only 22, already a seasoned veteran of the entertainment industry. He’s performed alongside artists ranging from Kelly Clarkson to New Kids On the Block, appeared on TV series and in movies (like the upcoming thriller “Exit 33”), and even starred in a national ad campagn for Dodge’s Charger. And that was just him getting warmed up…


Rev. Diva Schematic not only is both the vocalist and guitarist in Britain’s Attery Squash, she’s also the unspeakably talented video editor behind Ricardo Autobahn’s “The Golden Age of Video” and Manipulatrix’s “Cuts” clips. Now can she get an amen? (Thank you in advance.)


Tammy Jay and Kally are the Welsh sister act Electrovamp, whose hits “I Don’t Like the Vibe in the VIP” and “Drinks Taste Better When They’re Free” have made their names synonymous with a lively nightlife. The party girls’ debut album is due out not nearly soon enough, but, promises “You won’t be disappointed!”

  Linda Teodosiu began her ascent to the top of the pops as a contestant on her native Germany’s “Deutschland sucht den Superstar.” She then cemented her reputation as a vocal powerhouse with singles like “Reprogram My Heart” and “Love Sux.” Next, she… Oh, you just wait and hear!


Clive Ashley has unleashed his saxuality for years on Europe’s jazz and blues scene, playing for and with Jools Holland, Lulu, Robbie McIntosh, Billy Bragg, Andy Sheppard, Ruby Turner, the ubiquitous Ben Waters and approximately 761,402 other artists of note.

Nelson Clemente is a Portuguese-born, Australian-bred singer/songwriter whose habit of winning awards probably means that his trophy case is large enough to house a family of four. At present, he’s developing a full-length CD based on his half-length EP, “Love. Feel. Dangerous.”

Liam Curry is a Welsh Jack of All Trades. Or at least a Jack of Two Trades. Primarily a graphic artist — his eye-popping style has turned heads for such acts as Queen of Hearts and Jessie and the ToyBoys — he also dabbles in songwriting. His last release was with Sweden’s Straight Up, the R-rated “Attention Whore,” which, according to Australia’s Fabtastic! Music blog, boasts “the most amazing lyrics you’ll ever hear.”

Hollie Hymas loves reading and writing stories, climbing, football (the English kind), her dog, and staying at her Gran’s house. Not necessarily in that order. She is also 9, it bears mentioning.

Isabella, Wren and Olivia Montijo are the sibling songbirds who keep their mom, Nathalie Archangel, from developing empty nest syndrome. Whether they give her any other syndromes, only they can tell you… is, as creator Kit Cowan puts it, “stationery that pushes the envelope.” ™ Obviously, it’s also a front for the web design business that he makes available only to close personal friends. Or to strangers who show up at his door bearing wine and cheese. Or just wine.

Kerry-Lucy Taylor is obviously a great beauty and obviously a glorious singer, but because she didn’t send over her deets in time for this website to go live, we have had to dream up a bio for her. In our imagination, her favorite recording artist is Betty Boo; her favorite scent is piñata; her favorite cake, cup.

Steve Turner has had sax with such acts as Madness and Franz Ferdinand. Wait… that makes him sound like a bit of a strumpet, doesn’t it? Maybe, that being the case, it isn’t such a shock that the Englishman’s official bio mentions that he suspects one of the soundtracks he’s worked on “might have been for a porn film.”

Daniel Volpe not only is half of the German writing/producing duo Crush Songs (known for their work with their compatriots, Monrose, and Spain’s Edurne), he’s also a pop star on the fast track. How fast? Music from his album, “The Fairytale of Zorro Blakk,” has already made its radio debut Stateside, on Larry Flick’s Sirius XM show, “Morning Jolt,” and it isn’t even finished yet!

Ben Waters has probably played more gigs than you could survive and more countries than you can name. Along the way, the pianist has shared the stage with virtually everyone who’s ever been anyone, from Chuck Berry and Jerry Lee Lewis to Dave Stewart and Dame Shirley Bassey. Not only that, but he’s recorded with legends like Ray Davies of The Kinks, and had The Rolling Stones — complete with Bill Wyman, for the first time in decades! — on his own album. Currently, Mr. Popularity is in a band with Charlie Watts. What else would you expect?



NinthWave Records is the American indie whose enviable back catalog includes releases by, among others, synth-pop trail-blazers Heaven 17, White Town and Empire State Human. New signee Van Go Lion is already doing the roster proud, having prompted to proclaim their sound “fresh and forward… simply irresistible.”


Melanie LaPatin and Charlie Mason met through a mutual friend at a performance of Shakespeare in the Park. Although — or perhaps because — the play’s plot went over both of their heads, they got along like peanut butter and jelly. Soon after, they realized that what she (and, she imagined, many other choreographers) needed — original ballroom dance music — he and his songwriter friends would have a blast providing. So, with the patience of a saint, she took it upon herself to instruct the rhythm-illiterate lyricist on the kinds of beats that were appropriate for a rumba, for a samba, for a cha-cha, and so on. In spite of the temptation to kill him during this painstaking process, she refrained from doing so. In turn, he recruited his buddies from across the pond, Richard Hymas and Ricardo Autobahn, to create melodies and productions, and before long, they were so deeply entrenched in ballroom music that they spat sequins. In fact, it was probably glitter poisoning that led the trio to dub their creative cabal Club Pollyanna instead of Le Bistro du Sylvia Plath. In any case, they then prevailed upon an enviable Who’s Who of their singer pals (and even some they’d never met but merely admired) to take part in the project. As if to prove that the optimists were right to call themselves Pollyanna, what they heard in response was a chorus of yesses. And then chorus after chorus of their songs being sung with the kind of passion that causes spirits to rise and jaws to drop. “When Charlie said they were going to write me a few songs, I didn’t in my wildest dreams expect that three months later I’d be the ‘mother’ of my own album,” Melanie marvels. “Clearly, I need to start having wilder dreams!”

Jerry Reid’s vocals recorded by Chuck Alkazian at Pearl Sound Studios/Canton, Mich.
Backing vocals by Richard Hymas. Piano by Ben Waters.

Elouise’s vocals recorded by Steve Anderson at Universal Music Publishing/London, UK.
Backing vocals by Jaime Lovett. Sax by Clive Ashley. Guitar by Richard Hymas.

Neo’s vocals recorded by Måns Ek at Globe Studios/Stockholm, Sweden.

Tammy Jay and Kally’s vocals recorded by The Elements at Daisy Stores/Wales, UK.
Backing vocals by Rev. Diva Schematic.

Simon Curtis’ vocals recorded by Matthew A. Nelson at Foreword Productions, Inc./Los Angeles, CA.
Guitar by Richard Hymas.

Jenny McLaren’s vocals recorded by Ricardo Autobahn at Sporting Riff Raff (Studio 1)/Lancashire, UK.
Guitar by Richard Hymas.

Kyle Brylin’s vocals recorded by himself at DIY Studios/Madison, Wisc.
Backing vocals by Rev. Diva Schematic.

Linda Teodosiu’s vocals recorded by Martin Ernst at DogHouse Studios/Erfstadt, Germany.
Backing vocals by Daniel Volpe.

Lee Latchford Evans and Kerry-Lucy Taylor’s vocals
recorded by herself and Ian Brearley at I*N*K Studios/London, UK.
Backing vocals by Rev. Diva Schematic. Sax by Clive Ashley.

Jaime Lovett’s vocals recorded by Richard Hymas at Bo’s House/Weymouth, UK.

Andreas Ohrn’s vocals recorded by Henrik Smith at Fire at Will Productions/Stockholm, Sweden.
Backing vocals and guitar by Richard Hymas.

Romy Low’s vocals recorded by Xasqui Ten at Ten Productions/Barcelona, Spain.
Backing vocals by Jaime Lovett and Richard Hymas.

Jeronimo’s vocals recorded by Patrick Renier at APR-Works/StudiOmega/Tongeren, Belgium.
Backing vocals by Richard Hymas and Jenny McLaren. Guitar by Hymas.

Rev. Diva Schematic’s vocals recorded by Ricardo Autobahn at Sporting Riff Raff (Studio 1)/Lancashire, UK.

Craig Powell’s vocals recorded by himself at CPM Studios/London, UK.
Guitar by Richard Hymas.

Kaya’s vocals recorded by Clarence Jey at Music Intersection/Los Angeles, CA.
Nelson Clemente’s vocals recorded by himself at The Arte/Singapore.

Lucas Prata’s vocals recorded by himself at Yo Pal! Studios/New Jersey.
Backing vocals by Hollie Hymas. Sax by Clive Ashley.

Jill Helena’s vocals recorded by Matthijs van de Ven at Custom Sound/Eindhoven, Netherlands.
Backing vocals by Jaime Lovett and Richard Hymas. Sax by Steve Turner.

Jack Q’s vocals recorded by… erm… no one knows, really.

Kerry Butler’s vocals recorded by Doug Maxwell at Media Right Productions/New York, NY.

Joshua Desjardins’ vocals recorded by himself at In the Closet Studios/New York.
Melanie LaPatin’s vocals recorded by Charlie Mason at The Cathouse/New York, NY.
Backing vocals, guitar and bass by Richard Hymas. Piano by Ben Waters.

Nathalie Archangel’s vocals recorded by Derek Rooney at Rooney’s Studio and Sound/Livermore, CA.
Backing vocals by Isabella, Wren and Olivia Montijo.

Cover design by:
Liam Curry

page by:

Melanie’s photo by:
Daniel Kevin Melton


Melanie and the guys say thank you a million times over, to all of the brillopants artists on and contributors to this album — your team spirit is matched only by your genius; also, danke schön, tack, merci and gracias to Tony Meredith, Bobs Hanlon, Jadion, Javier Guzmán, Hubert Molander, Charlee, Måns Ek, Ian Brearley, Charly Prick, Ken Davies, Pete James, Don McGann, Paul Reynolds, Aaron Moss, Peter Sahlin, Flavius Teodosiu, Gary Sipich, Julie Derwinski, Craig Brockman, Mr. Scooch, Esther Frances, Russ Weatherford and, of course, the inmate running the asylum, Dave Richards.


Okay, okay, so Melanie won’t actually teach you how to dance in this section. Keep reading, anyway: She does at least reveal for those of you (er, us) who aren’t fluent in ballroom what dances could be done to each song on the album.

OUT WITHOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND Melanie calls this lively little number “the Swiss Army knife of the album — it does it all! You could jive to it, or it could be an East Coast swing or a fast West Coast swing.” Apparently, the only thing you can’t do to it is turn it off.

THE LOVERS’ RUMBA “This is an American style rumba,” says Melanie. We do not believe she means by this that one must perform it in a Statue of Liberty position. (Although, if you do, please send video… ) “It’s very soft and romantic,” she continues, “and you can create beautiful lines to this music. It talks about what a woman wants in life and in dance.” (Or, clearly, what Melanie wants, at least. Snicker, snicker… )

NEW STAR “This one’s more fun than a private shoe sale,” Melanie suggests. “It can be a cha-cha, a hustle or a tango. Plus, since it’s so high-energy, you can create lots of fun choreography to it.” Ooh, what’s that on the floor? Is that the gauntlet, looking suspiciously like it’s been thrown?

I’M THE ONE “This sassy song would make for a great nontraditional paso doble, a sexy, dramatic tango or a powerful cha-cha,” Melanie says. So, in other words, “I’m the One” should have been titled “I’m Three in One.” Please adjust your iPods accordingly.

THE PUPPET WHO GAVE HIMSELF STRINGS “This baby is about as far left of center as a cha-cha can get,” Melanie notes. “But, underneath the electropop veneer, that’s what it is — a cha-cha.” (Note: Though it is an electropop cha-cha, you will not need batteries or an outlet to dance to it. Well, probably not, anyway.)

YOU WERE NEVER REALLY MINE “Ooh! This is a gorgeous and expressive international rumba,” says Melanie, adding, “It could also be an amazing bolero.” Anyone else think she is conditioning us to always expect her to say “But wait… there’s more!”?

This PG-13 — PG-30 maybe? — bit of mischief “is a fun, upbeat hustle or cha-cha,” explains Melanie. “It’s also a scandal in a handbag! Who wrote this stuff?! Naughty, boys! Very naughty!”

BODY HEAT This ultrapersonal thermostat “is a great song for someone who is learning how to dance the cha-cha and needs a little extra help to find the correct beat,” Melanie offers. “The introduction and the chorus both tell you exactly where the cha-cha-cha/4 and 1 should be.” Why does she keep looking our way when she says that?

“This is a great smooth social samba,” concludes Melanie, “or a fun electropop salsa.” Chips not included. Sorry.

THE SADDEST SONG “This one could lend itself well to an elegant and emotional waltz,” Melanie suggests. “Be careful,” we reply, “when dancing on a floor that’s slick with tears.”

FUN & GAMES “This number is very adaptable,” Melanie observes. “It can be a sexy American style box rumba or a smooth and silky East Coast swing. It can also be used as an enjoyable cha-cha.” Which is good, because so few people seem to fancy those unenjoyable cha-chas.

DOG This potential ASPCA theme song “is another great multi-purpose tune,” Melanie says. “You can be very creative and segue between paso doble, tango and cha-cha. And it has very dramatic instrumentation, so you can have lots of fun with choreography.” Not so much fun that you can turn it into a polka, mind you. But fun nonetheless.

HOW THEY DANCE IN OUTER SPACE Beam her up, Scotty! “This is another fabulous electropop cha-cha,” Melanie notes. Whether it was, as has been rumored, sent to her from a galaxy far, far away, we may never know for sure.

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE BEAT “The underlying beats to this illustrious song,” our Lady Cha-Cha tells us, “make it extremely versatile. It could be an American style box rumba, a cha-cha, a fast salsa or a hustle.” Translation: It’s a Transformer!

YOU COULD CHANGE A TIGER’S STRIPES “The swinging beats to this tune make for a great swing dance,” Melanie says. “You could do East Coast swing or West Coast. However,” she adds, perhaps for those of you who are on neither coast, “it would also make a fabulous foxtrot.”

GLAMAHOLIC “This wicked-cool song would make a spectacular cha-cha or hustle,” Melanie points out. “And if you are really looking for a challenge, it could make an extraordinary paso doble.” If you are not looking for a challenge, it will still sound very nice in your earphones.

THE POLLYANNA SAMBA This melodic pep talk, suggests Melanie, “would make a wonderful social samba or mambo.” We can’t guarantee that, as its title implies, it will also make an optimist of you. But every little bit helps, right?

WOMAN OF THE WORLD “The smooth vibe in this song makes it a perfect foxtrot,” Melanie says. “You could also dance a sexy, slinky West Coast swing to it.” You could also do cartwheels to it, we chime in helpfully. (Note: On second thought, cartwheels might look silly. Go with Melanie’s advice instead.)

“The steady underlying beat in this song would be great for a passionate tango or a powerful cha-cha,” Melanie explains. It goes without saying that she will not be held responsible if the sort of mind it gives you is dirty.

BAD AT BEING GOOD “This is a fun, lighthearted jive,” Melanie suggests. “Or it could be a fast East Coast swing. What it is not — I repeat, not — is biographical. Stop snickering!”

MELANIE (DONCHA MAKE HER DANCE ALONE) “This swinging number is a great East or West Coast swing,” Melanie sums up. “And no, I have no idea whatsoever who could have inspired it. None.”

NEXT TO ME “This beautiful, inspiring piece is a breathtaking waltz,” Melanie says. We hope for everyone’s sake that, once your breath is taken away, it is eventually returned. Preferably before you turn blue. That is all.


Out Without Your Boyfriend

You’re tellin’ me you’re taken,
But you’re dancin’ all alone.
If he ever saw ya shakin’
It, he wouldn’t be at home.

You’re tellin’ me ya love ‘im
Like it’s an apology.
I don’t think you’re thinkin’ of ‘im
When you’re grindin’ up on me.

Out without your boyfriend,
Seizin’ opportunity!

Don’t give me maybe
You’ve found someone new!
Just say it, baby...
I’m who you’re into!
Comin’ out, comin’ out...
Out without your boyfriend!

You’re tellin’ me ya wouldn’t,
But, and I don’t mean to laugh,
Though it’s obvious ya shouldn’t,
Kinda you already have.

You’re tellin’ me you’re messin’
And it doesn’t mean a thing.
Probably, it will, I’m guessin’
To the guy who bought the ring.



You went
A little too far;
Took a moment and you spiked it.

You spent
A little too long
And discovered that you liked it.

Really dig the way you liked it!


You’re tellin’ me you’re leavin’,
But you’re stickin’ to the floor.
Groovin’ so, ya haven’t even
Made a move toward the door.

You’re tellin’ me ya wanna
Be a wife and then a mom.
Got a hunch ya aren’t gonna
’Til the storm in you is calmed.

Out without your boyfriend,
With a tick-a-tick-a-bomb!


The Lovers’ Rumba

The second that my hand’s
In yours, I understand
I haven’t been seduced…
I just belong to you…

I give up all control...
My body, mind and soul,
Addicted to the dance
That redefines romance.

Ev’ry step you take, with ev’ry move,
Ev’ry time you spin me, boy you prove
You know exactly what I need,
And rapt, I follow… I follow where you lead…
Where you lead… oh…
The lovers’ rumba!
Lovers’ rumba!

Too little or too much,
I hunger for the touch
That makes a wish, command,
A “No, I can’t,” “I can.”

A lift and then a drop...
You start and then you stop…
You turn a sparrow’s wings
Into your puppet strings.


La-la-lovers’ rumba… oh…

The second that I slip
Out of your fingertips,
I’m desp’rate to return,
To let you make me burn…

La-la-lovers’ rumba… oh…

Around and ‘round, you bid me, spin,
Until I end where you begin,
No fire left in me to feed,
Aflame, I follow where you lead.

New Star

I was so down on Earth, I thought,
I had to be from space.
A Martian, maybe I’d been caught,
My memories erased.

Now, now, now,
Because I’m lookin’ through your eyes…
Wow, wow, wow,
I’m seein’ someone in the skies…

You’re makin’ me, me, me…
Makin’ me a new star!
Me, me, me…
Makin’ me a new star!
New star...

I used to wonder where I fit
And if I even could.
I’d whisper, “Beam me up! I quit!”
My prospects weren’t good.



In my orbit,
Tag! And you’re it!
Doncha know you are…
Makin’ me…
Makin’ me a new star!


I’m The One

I’ve seen the way you stop and stare
The second Serena’s around...
Her partner throws her in the air,
You gasp as she’s tumbling down.

I’ve seen it, and to say the least,
Emphatic’ly I recommend,
Unless you wanna rest in peace,
I never be made to again.

I don’t care what she’s got,
If she’s cool or if she’s hot,
If what it takes is two,
I’m the one!
If what it takes is two,
I’m the one…
I’m the one…
I’m the one
For you!

If what this is, is jealousy,
Then what you must be is obsessed
With how Alicia moves her feet
And more so how she moves the rest.

I’ve noticed, but am I upset
And threatening you with the grave?
I am, in fact; did you forget
The reason you wanna behave?

I don’t care what she does
Or you think she might, because
If what it takes is two,
I’m the one!
If what it takes is two…
For you…
For you…
For you…

I don’t care if it’s love
Or it’s fate; enough’s enough!
If what it takes is two…


The Puppet Who Gave Himself Strings

You’re playing London, name in lights,
Exactly how we planned...
Except you’re spending all your nights
In your Stromboli’s hands.

I wonder when you’re going to
Get the joke he’s made of you...
I wonder when you’re going to
Get that you’ve been played.

He tells you to dance, he tells you to sing,
He picks the way you say you swing,
And everyone laughs, it’s the funniest thing:
Look at the puppet who gave himself strings!

Remember when you had a friend...
A bunch of us, in fact...
Until he chose to recommend
You stab us in the back.



You’re a possession that he’s acquired,
A toy that’s too dumb to see
He’s gonna toss you on the fire
The same as you did me.



You Were Never Really Mine

Suppose I loved a fantasy.
Suppose it’s obvious.
You thought of us as “you and me,”
I thought of us as “us.”

Everyone expected
That in time I’d see the signs.
But even now I can’t accept it:
You were never really mine.

Funny how it hurts,
Being left behind,
Knowing that you were…
You were never really mine.
And the hardest part for me,
It isn’t all the pain,
It’s I won’t get to believe

At dusk, I walk the city streets,
My shadow, “coulda beens,”
Uneasy, for it’s incomplete,
The story that I’m in.



I wish I coulda kissed you,
To have had you to forget…
For just a night to have been with you,
To have touched you, to have met…
I haven’t yet.

Suppose I loved a fantasy.
Suppose it’s obvious...



I’m a Man
(Not a Piece of Meat)

You stare me down, you size me up,
As if I’m gonna strip,
As if, if you stare hard enough,
My pants’ll come unzipped.

C’mon now…
C’mon now…

I’m a man, I’m a man,
Not a piece of meat!
Doesn’t matter if I look
Good enough to eat!
I’m a man, I’m a man,
Not a piece of meat!
Doesn’t matter if I cook
When you crank the heat!

Sure, I’m hotter than July,
Eleven outta ten,
Underneath the muscles, I…
I’m an M-A-N!

At first it was an ego boost,
I thought, “Enjoy the show,”
Today, instead of feel seduced,
I’m wond’ring if you know…



I’ve got a brain, I’ve got a heart;
What are they, overdressed?
You focus on your fav’rite part
And just ignore the rest!

I have a soul, hello! And eyes!
I’m sorry it’s a shock,
You never stopped to realize
I’m more than ass and whoa!



Body Heat

The music called to me again —
It oughta be ashamed! —
Seductive as the worst of men
And harder still to blame!

You heard it, too, an echo of
“Put on your dancing shoes,
“I’ll lead you by your feet to love,”
So how could you refuse?

Who’s strong enough to stop and say
“I won’t” instead of start to sway,
Resolved enough to tell it no
Instead of yes, instead of go, go, go!

I’m a victim of the rhythm,
Hostage to the beat!
Even when we’re fighting with ‘em,
We’re creating body heat!

Body heat — cha cha cha! Body heat!
Body heat — cha cha cha! Body heat!

I used to hide beneath the sheets,
Determined to resist
The club erupting from the streets,
My name atop its list!

You tried as well; of course you did...
You tried in vain and failed.
You shut your door, your ears, and hid,
And all to no avail.



No tuning out what’s in your soul,
In ev’ry inch of you...
It isn’t us, it’s in control,
So what are we to do?



When You Smile

Two a.m., of course you’re in a club,
Dancing on a tabletop,
Crowd of strangers itching to erupt,
Pleading with you not to stop.

You’re the definition of

When you smile…
When you smile…
I know the trouble that I’m in.
When you smile…
I see instead a dirty grin,
Saying “I’ll
“Show ya how to really sin.”
Girl, I die…
I’m learnin’ — when you smile…
I’m burnin’ — when you smile…
I’m learnin’ — when you smile…
I’m burnin’ — when you smile…

We don’t need to talk, I understand
That I’m diff’rent from the rest…
Though you spend a night in all their hands,
I’m the one you like the best.

Ev’ry move you make is so…
It’s so personal…

The Saddest Song

When I rewind the tape
By the blur of a year,
All I find in the hiss
Is a sigh, but an echo of tears.

For me, there’s no escape
From the music I hear…
Though I fight to forget,
How could I? It’s a cruel souvenir.

I’ve got the saddest song in the back of my head
That’s becoming the theme to my life.
I put another in, something happy, yet
It’s stuck into me like a knife.
It’s the saddest song…

I try the other side,
And it just starts again,
Taunting me, on a loop,
My duet with a ghost of a friend.


You don’t even care that I’m still in your hands,
Still in the grip of our heartbreaking dance.


Fun & Games

We’re not in love.
We couldn’t be.
We’ve got enough.
We both agreed.
And still...

We’re serious
As soda pop.
It’s obvious
That we could stop.
And still...

We made a promise to each other
That it wouldn’t get intense
That, even after we were lovers,
Even now is making sense...

But it’s a shame
If we secretly feel the same
And keep on pretending
We’re fine with it ending
As just fun and games.

We strategize.
We hedge our bets.
We take the lies
That we can get.
And still...


But it’s a shame
If we secretly feel the same
And keep on pretending
We’re fine with it ending
As just fun and games.
Are we pretending
We’re fine with it ending
As just fun and games?

Fun… fun…
Fun… and games.
Fun… fun…
Fun… and games.

We’re deep as skin,
A passing phase,
A “Where ya been?”
For future days.
And still...


But it’s a shame
If we secretly feel the same
And keep on pretending
We’re fine with it ending
As just fun and games.
Are we pretending
We’re fine with it ending
As just fun and games?
Are we pretending
We’re fine with it ending
As just fun and games?



I appreciate your interest in me, to say the least,
But I won’t be taking on the role of Beauty to your Beast.
‘Cause the lot of you are animals, and girls your petting zoos,
Though you’ve got a magnetism, to resist it’s what I choose.

I don’t want an alley cat
Whose attention I’ll struggle to hog!
Been there, honey, I’ve done that!
Now I’m getting a dog!
Now I’m getting…
Getting a dog!
Now I’m getting…
Getting a dog!

While I’m flattered by your compliments, I’ve heard ’em all before,
So I’m more than happy giving you directions to the door.
You can spread your feathers for me, strut around and shake your tail,
Isn’t gonna matter in the end, you’re gonna fail.

I don’t want an alley cat
Whose attention I’ll struggle to hog!
Been there, honey, I’ve done that!
Now I’m getting a dog!
I don’t want another snake,
Coming at me from under a log!
Holy yeah, made that mistake!
Now I’m getting a dog!
Now I’m getting…
Getting a dog!
Now I’m getting…
Getting a dog!

He’ll be loyal and true to me…
He’ll listen when I talk…
He’ll act as if it’s such a treat
When we go for a walk!

How They Dance in Outer Space

Now I know, because of you,
Aliens are real...
Know their skin’s a brilliant blue
And cold as stainless steel.

Now I know, because of you,
A buncha them are girls
And the stuff they’re most into
Completely rocks my world.

What I don’t know is...

... how they dance in outer space!
Cheek to cheek or face to face?
Do they tango? Do they jive?
Would a boy from earth survive?
Show me, won’t you show me
How they dance in outer space!
Show me, won’t you show me
How they dance in outer space!

Now I know that ESP’s
Common in your kind...
Know in distant galaxies,
They read each other’s minds.

Now I know that ESP’s
Connecting me to you,
But the answer that I need...
It isn’t coming through.



Wanna learn the moves
The kids all make on Mars,
So I can improve
And get you seeing stars…
Seeing stars…
Seeing stars…


It’s All About the Beat

It isn't about the Monopoly cash
Your wallet's apparently fashioned to flash.
It isn't about the Armani you wear
As if on the floor anybody'll care.

It's all about, about the beat…

It isn't about the celebrity friends
You've got, then you don't; day and night, it depends.
It isn't about the impression of fame
That gives you the credit and spares you the blame.


Darling, you're a portrait of
Delusion and conceit.
When we dance, it isn't love,
It's all about, all about the beat.


You Could Change a Tiger’s Stripes

When I heard the story
Of the sirens and their song,
I laughed until I cried, I
Mean, they’re pretty, but c’mon.

Then I got a look at —
Holy cow! — the likes of you,
’N’ lightbulb on, I got it:
Ev’ry syllable was true!

Completely on a whim,
You could tell a fish to fly,
Tell a bird it oughta swim,
And I betcha they would try!
With the way ya stretch a dress
Baby, I believe the hype!
Though he’ll probably protest,
You could change a tiger’s stripes!

Sure, at first I fought it...
Any guy would do the same.
Still in the end, you got me
Getting tattooed with your name.

You’re a Cleopatra...
You’re a Helen to my Troy.
That smile of yours could even
Turn a man into a boy.



I got a problem, I...
I’m addicted to...
I get a shopper’s high
Off a pair o’ shoes.

I wanna lick it, though
Even if I could...
You look amazing! No...
I look too damn good!

My name is Kaya, and I’m a...
My name is Kaya, and I’m a...
My name is Kaya, and I’m a...
My name is Kaya, and I’m a...
Say it!

I just can’t get enough!
I love designer stuff!
And it’s so messed up…
And it’s so messed up…
I don’t feel myself unless I’m dressed up!
And it’s so messed up…
And it’s so messed up…
I don’t feel myself unless I’m dressed up!

When I was little, I...
Used to hate to shop.
Today I wonder why,
‘Cause I never stop.

I pass a fancy store...
Try, but it’s a fight.
We’ve got the spring Diors!
You take plastic, right?



I’m ready now!
I wanna shout:
I’m a glama- glamaholic!
I’m ready now!
I’m comin’ out:
I’m a glama- glamaholic!



The Pollyanna Samba

I sulked about, a pessimist;
No manic, all depressed.
Imagine you, but at your worst —
That was me at my best!

Today, however, check my neck —
There isn’t any noose.
I wear a smile instead because
You knocked my happy loose.

New, new, new...
I’m new and I’m improved,
On account of you...
You taught me how to move,
And so…

… if I’m the Pollyanna
I think I’ve turned into,
The reason is the samba
You taught me how to do!

Pollyanna samba…
And off I go!
And off I go!

Incredible, I know, and strange --
I bump into myself,
And looking at the way I’ve changed,
It’s like I’m someone else!



Post x2

If I’m the Pollyanna
I think I’ve turned into,
The reason is the samba
You taught me how to do!
It takes my tale and shakes it
Until a woe’s a wow,
Until I’m, plain and simple,
A Pollyanna now!

Post x2

Woman of the World

Why ya want a child of seventeen
When I…
I can show ya things she’s never seen...

Just imagine my experience
You’ll die…
The experience is that intense.

You — you’re not a little boy,
So put away your toy,
Forget your little girl
And get yourself a woman…
A woman of the world!

What? Eleven shades of beautiful?
But geez,
Sugar, doncha find ’er kinda dull?

I’m Vesuvius when I erupt…
I’d be
Guaranteed to keep your int’rest up.


When I Think About Sex…

If I wanted conversation,
Mental stimulation,
I wouldn’t be at your door…
Wouldn’t be at your door.

If I wanted someone prying,
I wouldn’t come anymore…
Wouldn’t come anymore.

But I did…
Here I am…
And seeing you in clothes is like a body slam!
“Why?” you ask.
Baby, damn!

The girl I think of is you
When I think about sex!

If to me a depth of feeling
Was the least appealing,
I wouldn’t have turned to you…
Wouldn’t have turned to you.



Bad at Being Good

I wake and pin my halo on
Before I’m outta bed;
An hour later, “Hey, it’s gone!”
Or oops! I’ve lost my head.

I try to be an angel, no!
I swear to God I do!
The trouble is that trouble’s so
Much fun to get into!

You understand, right?

If I shouldn’t, but I could,
I either have or else I would.
I never mean to do it,
I’m just bad at being good!
Oooh… I’m a baaad girl!

Bad girl, bad girl, bad girl…

I tell the boys I’m staying in,
They cock a brow and smirk:
They’ve figured out a sexy grin
Is always gonna work.

Besides, I’ve got a party dress
So eager to be worn,
I almost hear it answer yes,
Don’t bother acting torn.

It’s pathological, really.


They say there's good in all of us,
And I say, “Are you sure?”
Because I drink and smoke and cuss,
I think I'm all impure!


(Doncha Make Her Dance Alone)

She’s got a smile,
A thousand watts.
She’s got a style
Nobody gots...
Yet she’s on her own!
Doncha make her dance alone!

She’s got a move
So dazzle-ing,
You can’t improve
Upon a thing...
Yet she’s on her own!
Doncha make her dance alone!

Get up, up, up off of your butt!
Get up and take her hand!
Get up because, I tell ya what:
The dame deserves a man!

Can ya dig it?
Sure you can!

She’s got a head
Of curly hair,
A shade of red
That isn’t fair...
Yet she’s on her own!
Doncha make her dance alone!


Don’t, don’t...
Doncha make her dance alone!
Doncha make her dance alone!
Don’t, don’t...
Doncha make her dance alone!

Can ya dig it?
Sure you can!

It isn’t me to make a scene.
Oh, fine, alright, it is.
But I’m entitled. Jeez, I mean,
I just want to be his. Or his. Or... are you single? I digress.

I’m not a girl who needs a guy.
I’m not! It’s more a want.
The kinda want that day and night,
It leaves me on the hunt.

Who do ya have to around here to get a boyfriend?!

She’s got a ring
She gave herself
Instead of bling
From someone else,
Yet she’s on her own!
Doncha make her dance alone!


Next to Me

When my fingers creak,
I’ll ignore it...
When my legs are weak,
I’ll endure it...

... if you promise when I stumble,
When I trip and take a tumble,
Same as now, you’ll be
The fuddy duddy next to me.

When a wrinkle shows,
I’ll just let it...
When my figure goes,
I’ll forget it...

... if you promise when I fumble
For the words I wanna grumble,
Same as now you’ll be
The fuddy duddy next to me…
Same as now you’ll be
The fuddy duddy next to me.

When my yesterdays
And tomorrows
Take each other’s place
Will I follow...

... if you promise when I stumble,
When I trip and take a tumble,
Same as now, you’ll be
The fuddy duddy next to me…